Infirmary Nightmares
by Titan5
Summary: In my response to Stealth Dragon's Why the infirmary sucks challenge, I try to explain why John Sheppard hates the infirmary so much.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **This is my answer to Stealth Dragon's "Why the infirmary sucks" challenge, in which I'm trying to show why John hates the infirmary so much. Please pardon medical and military mistakes – there's only so much information you can get on the internet.

**Disclaimer:** As you well know, I don't own or have any rights to any of this stuff.

Infirmary Nightmares – Chapter 1

"_Colonel Sheppard, the new men from the Daedalus have finished unloading, sir."_

Sheppard went from walking fast to jogging as he reached up to his radio. "Thanks, Lorne. Ronon and I are almost there, so just hold where you are."

"_No problem, sir."_

"I told you we'd be late," offered the Satedan as he hurried along beside Sheppard.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone's a critic." Sheppard stopped as he reached the door to the pier where the Daedalus had docked and took a deep breath, smoothing out his clothes. He caught Ronon smiling at his attempt to look unhurried, even as he sucked in air a little too quickly to have walked at the leisurely pace he was trying so hard to indicate. "Don't say a word, Chewy."

Sheppard opened the door and strolled out onto the open deck, the sight of the large ship giving him the same shiver it always did. People had congregated into three distinct groups. Crews from the Daedalus were already unloading boxes and crates of supplies, which were then hauled off by Atlantis staff. A group of scientists were being organized by Radek and a botanist he could never remember the name of. The third group was the one he was looking for. Major Lorne was standing beside a mixed cluster of marines and Air Force personnel.

Sheppard made eye contact with Lorne as he walked across the pier, resulting in Lorne calling the men to attention. As he arrived to stand in front of the group, Sheppard immediately put them at ease.

"Welcome to Atlantis, our base of operations in the Pegasus Galaxy. I'm Lt. Colonel Sheppard, the military commander of Atlantis, as I'm sure you have been informed. I see you've met Major Lorne. This is Specialist Ronon Dex, and he'll be assisting us with your training. Don't let his teddy bear appearance fool you, he's tougher than he looks." Between the glare Ronon was giving him and the confused expressions on the faces of the new people, Sheppard had to bite his tongue to maintain a straight face.

"We will have two orientation sessions and I expect everyone to be at one of them. Those of you who are pilots with the ATA gene will need to meet at 0800 in the morning. Everyone else will need to attend the session at 1300 tomorrow. Major Lorne will direct you to a table where you can pick up your room assignments. We have personnel assigned to take you in small groups to show you your quarters and other places you'll need to know about in short order, like the mess hall, the infirmary, and where the orientations will be held. We should get most of your questions answered tomorrow, but if you need something between now and then, just ask anyone who looks like they know their way around. Atlantis is a big place and much of it is unexplored and can be dangerous, so you are to stay in the inhabited portion of the city. Dismissed."

Many of the new personnel immediately made their way over the table set up near the wall, indicating Lorne had already told some of them what was to occur while they waited on their late commander. Those that looked confused descended on the major, who proceeded to point them in the right direction. Sheppard almost felt guilty about dumping babysitting duty on Lorne. Almost. He got all the headaches of a command position, so he might as well take advantage of the perks.

"I guess they'll give just about anyone a command position any more, won't they?" Sheppard's eyes widened in surprise at the loud voice, obviously projected their way. Ronon frowned as he studied the crowd for the source. Several of the men looked around nervously and even Lorne had paused in his explanation to scan the throng of people.

A tall man, about Sheppard's height but several pounds heavier stepped forward. His thinning dark blonde hair was cut short and he wore a broad grin, full of teeth.

"Collin?" Sheppard said, uncertainty in his voice.

"Hey, Shep. It's been a while." The stood staring at each other for several seconds while the crowd around them appeared frozen and silent, afraid to move or breathe.

"You old pirate, what are you doing in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Sheppard rushed forward and the two men grabbed each other in a bear hug. Collin rubbed his hand across the top of Sheppard's head, resulting in the colonel punching the other man in the upper arm.

"I told you never to do that. You leave the hair alone."

Collin grinned as he stepped back. "I see it still defies gravity."

Sheppard chuckled. "Hey, at least I still have mine. Looks like some of yours went on vacation without you."

Collin rolled his eyes. "Still a funny guy, I see. How in the heck did you make colonel? Last I heard, you were on your way out of the Air Force, permanently."

Sheppard winced and rubbed his jaw. "Yeah, well, stories of my career death were greatly exaggerated. I had no idea you were in the Stargate program. How long have you been involved?"

"Oh, about five years now. You?"

"Only about three. Do you have the ATA gene?" Sheppard didn't bother to hide the hope in his voice.

"I do now, thanks to the wonderful world of gene therapy. How about you?"

"Yeah, that's actually how I got here. Long story."

Collin's eyes lit up and his mouth dropped open a bit. "That was you, wasn't it? There was a big discussion going around about three years ago, right before the expedition to this place left, that they'd found some flyboy with the strongest ATA gene anyone had ever seen. Some of the scientists were really excited and wanted to do more studies, but they said the expedition leader had snatched him up before they had a chance to even ask. That was you?"

Sheppard smiled grimly and looked down at his feet, uncomfortable with the information. "Uh, yeah, that was me. I was stationed at McMurdo doing VIP shuttle duty when General O'Neill took me down to the outpost with him. I sort of activated some technology accidentally and that lead to an invitation to come to Atlantis."

Collin shook his finger at him. "Yeah, you sat in the weapons chair I heard and lit it up like a Christmas tree. Very cool, Shep. You always had both the best luck and the worst luck of anyone I ever met."

"Sounds like some things never change," said Ronon.

Sheppard looked up, slightly startled. "Oh, Ronon, I'm sorry. Ronon Dex, this is Major Collin Prater. We served together my first tour of overseas duty back on Earth. Collin, this is Ronon Dex, from here in the Pegasus Galaxy. He's from a planet called Sateda that was destroyed by the Wraith. Now he's a member of my team."

Collin nodded at Ronon. "Nice to meet you, Ronon. If you've been watching Shep's back, then you've had your work cut out for you."

"I see you know him well," said Ronon and they both smirked at Sheppard.

"Two against one, now that's not fair," complained Sheppard.

"Who ever said life was fair?" asked Collin.

Ronon couldn't help but notice the sad look that passed across both men's faces. It quickly faded and then Collin was looking down.

"Hey, no limp."

Sheppard made a face and then sighed. "No, no limp. Not any more. Let's get you to your quarters and maybe we can catch up at dinner. We've got some things to do before then and I've got to check in with Caldwell."

Collin nodded, his expression more serious now. He hadn't missed the quick change of subject. "Okay, can do." He looked at Sheppard as if he wanted to say more, but finally just shook his head and picked up his bag. "Catch you at dinner, Shep. It's good to see you again."

Sheppard smiled. "Likewise. Catch you later."

oOo

"How many have the ATA gene?" Sheppard asked Lorne as they turned the corner to enter the mess hall.

"Ten with the gene and six of those are pilots. We came out pretty good with this group. We needed more pilots so some of the guys can have some down time every now and again. I take it you know Major Prater?"

"Yeah, we go way back. We did a year overseas together and we were pretty tight for a while. Haven't seen him in years though."

Just as the two men turned with their food trays to find a seat, laughter erupted from one of the tables. Sheppard sighed and blew out a long puff of air as he saw who was seated at the loud table. "That can't be good," he muttered.

"What?" asked Lorne as he followed Sheppard's line of sight. Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, Carson, and Elizabeth all sat together with Collin Prater and everyone was rolling with laughter.

Sheppard swallowed hard and walked over to the table. "Okay, Collin, what kind of fairytales are you spinning over here?"

Rodney stopped laughing long enough to answer Sheppard's question. "He's just been . . . telling us about the time . . . the two of you stole a jeep in the middle of the night."

John rolled his eyes, knowing he was going to take a ribbing for this one for quite a while.

"Sir . . . you stole a jeep?"

Well, crap. Lorne was still standing there. Sheppard shook his head as he looked down at his tray. "We didn't exactly steal it . . . we sort of borrowed it for a while. We brought it back." Sheppard noticed that Lorne took the empty seat at the other end of the table. He guessed that wild stories about your CO were just too good to pass up.

"Minus a door," added Collin, still grinning as he leaned back in his chair.

"That was so not my fault," said Sheppard, poking his potatoes with his fork.

Collin frowned while maintaining the grin. "You could have warned me, you know."

Sheppard looked up, his eyes wide with disbelief. "I yelled _truck coming_. How much more warning did you need?"

Collin eased his chair to the floor and shook his head. "No, no, it doesn't count to yell warnings _after_ the truck takes the door off the jeep."

Rodney shook his head in wonder. "How in the world did you two keep from getting court-martialed?"

Elizabeth looked shocked at the wild story about her military commander. "A better question is who thought it was a good idea to get these two together again? Maybe we should lock up the jumpers."

Sheppard pointed his fork at Collin in the most menacing way he could. "Look, buddy, it's not too late to pack your butt back up on the Daedalus and send you back to Earth."

Collin grinned mischievously. "But then they'd never get to hear about the time you ran naked through the camp."

Rodney rubbed his hands together. "Oh, this could be good." Ronon and Carson grinned, while Elizabeth and Teyla shared an apprehensive look.

"I was _not_ naked and I _do_ have an equal number of stories about you, you know!" There was no missing the building frustration or the edge to his voice. His cheeks had also gathered a bit more color than usual.

"That little towel hardly counts and you know it's impossible to embarrass me." Collin continued to grin defiantly, obviously not taking any of Sheppard's threats seriously.

"Oh my gosh, are you blushing?" asked Elizabeth, laughing out loud as she covered her mouth.

Sheppard let his head drop and closed his eyes. "Collin . . . I hate you."

Collin chuckled as he looked at the smiling faces. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Shep," he declared proudly.

oOo

Sheppard stood at the edge of the gateroom, waiting on his team to assemble for their mission. He'd arrived early so he could see Collin off on his first mission as a team leader. Collin had been going off world with either Sheppard's team or Lorne's team for the last five weeks, training and learning his way around the Pegasus Galaxy. Due to his rank, his previous experience on an SG team on Earth, and his performance, he'd been given his own team and this was their maiden trip, so to speak.

"Waiting on a date?"

Sheppard grinned as he turned and saw Collin approaching, checking his vest as he walked. "More like waiting on a screw-up."

"Ha, you wish," Collin smirked.

John returned the smile briefly before sobering up. "No . . . I don't wish. Don't take chances out there today. If anything hinky comes up, you hightail your team back here."

Collin grinned and nodded. "Yes, mom. Should I look both ways before crossing the street?"

Sheppard's expression remained serious. "In this galaxy, definitely."

Collin nodded, the smile fading without his expression becoming too serious. "I'll be careful, Shep. This isn't my first off world mission you know."

Sheppard nodded and rubbed the side of his head. "I know. I just don't want to have to break in anyone new right now. You've been enough work."

They stood in silence for several minutes before Collin broke the moment. "You still feel responsible for everyone, don't you?"

Sheppard looked up from the floor to meet his friend's eyes. "It gets worse with command."

Collin nodded knowingly. "I figured. That's why you can keep your command. I'll bet you don't sleep, do you?"

Sheppard smiled, but it was forced and they both knew it. "I sleep . . . when I need it."

Snapping fingers broke the moment and they both jumped a little as McKay walked noisily up to them. "No more reminiscing, we have work to do. Major, get your team out of here so we can go do our job. Come on ladies, let's move."

Sheppard's eyebrows went up and Collin laughed. "I think you're having a negative effect on Dr. McKay, Shep. But he's right, I do have to get out of here. Thanks for the advice and concern, _mom_." Collin waved as he headed out to the center of the room to join his team. A few minutes later, they disappeared through the gate.

"They'll be fine," said McKay, watching Sheppard look worriedly at the gate.

"Yeah, I know." He turned to look at McKay, glancing around behind the man. "Where's the rest of our team?"

"We are coming, Colonel," said Teyla as she and Ronon came up behind the scientist.

Sheppard nodded. "Okay, let's move out . . . ladies."

"Very funny," said Rodney as he rolled his eyes.

Sheppard grinned as he turned his back to McKay and walked off. "_I_ thought so."

oOo

Collin walked up behind Elizabeth as she leaned on the railing and stared down at the gate. His team had come back from a nice, boring mission that discovered nothing almost two hours ago. They'd already been cleared by the doctor and debriefed with Elizabeth.

"Are they overdue?" asked Collin as he slid in beside her.

Elizabeth didn't take her eyes from the gate, afraid that if she did, she'd miss when it activated. "As always. They were supposed to meet the Pannatians for a formal ceremony that officially made us allies and trade partners and then come home. They should have returned by now."

"Did you try the radio?"

Elizabeth nodded. "We opened the gate and tried a while ago, but we couldn't raise them. Major Lorne is putting together a team to check it out right now. They should be ready to go in about ten minutes."

"I'm going with them," said Collin firmly.

Elizabeth tore her gaze from the gate to look the officer in the eye. "All right, grab your gear."

He was just turning to leave when the gate activated. He quickly twisted back to look down at the gate as it engaged, swooshing out in the familiar pattern.

"Off world activation . . . receiving Teyla's IDC."

"Lower the shield," shouted Elizabeth as she activated her radio. "Teyla, what's your status?"

The radio crackled with static, making it hard to understand the Athosian. "Comin . . . ard . . . shot . . . we . . . Beckett . . . few minutes."

Elizabeth looked at Collin, fear in her eyes. "Teyla, could you repeat? You're breaking up." There was nothing but static, so Elizabeth tapped her radio. "Medical team to the gateroom, immediately."

A few seconds later, Teyla came through the gate, breathing hard and covered with scratches and dirt. She quickly moved to one side and watched as Rodney came through next in similar condition. A field bandage was wrapped around his upper arm and blood had begun to leak through the outside edge. He stood by Teyla, both of them turning to watch the puddle for the other members of the team. Tension built throughout the room as the gate remained active, but no one came through.

Finally, a burst of motion startled everyone as Ronon came running through yelling, "Close the gate." Sheppard was thrown over his right shoulder, his arms dangling loosely down the big man's back. As Ronon skidded to a halt, Teyla and Rodney moved in quickly to help him lay Sheppard on the floor. Collin and Elizabeth arrived about the time they got the colonel prone.

Elizabeth saw the field bandage, soaked completely through with blood, wrapped around Sheppard's left thigh. She took in a breath sharply, noticing that his BDU pants were completely soaked for a wide area around the bandage. "What happened?" she choked out, barely able to find her voice.

"Apparently the Pannatians have some enemies that live on the other side of the river that don't want them making new friends. They attacked about the time the ceremony was over," explained McKay, his voice wavering with fear and exhaustion.

Sheppard groaned and his head turned to one side, his eyes fluttering open. He blinked slowly a few times, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"John?" Elizabeth knelt beside him and took his hand. "Carson's on his way, so hang in there. You're going to be fine."

Sheppard frowned, looking confused before letting his eyes slide closed again. Beckett and the medical team arrived then, so they moved to let them do their work. "What happened?" asked Beckett as he checked his patient's breathing.

"He was shot," replied Ronon.

"How long ago?"

"About an hour," said the former runner. "Took us a while to get back to the gate."

"All right, his pulse and breathing are good, so let's move him to the infirmary." Beckett and his team quickly moved Sheppard's limp form to the gurney and took off across the room and down the hall.

"Are any of you injured?" asked Elizabeth, her eyes falling on the dressing covering Rodney's upper arm.

"Dr. McKay has been shot in the arm," said Teyla.

McKay glanced down at the blood leaking through his bandage. "I think it just grazed me."

Elizabeth felt a surge of emotion, pride at Rodney for not over-dramatizing his injury and worry for Sheppard. If Rodney was not obsessing over his injury, then he was very concerned for his friend and that had her uneasy. "Let's get the rest of you checked out and see about John. We can debrief later."

"Mind if I tag along with you guys so I can check on Shep?" asked Collin, his expression more serious than anything they had seen since his arrival.

"Of course, Major Prater, please come with us," said Teyla.

Collin smiled, tight, but genuine. "Hey, I told you to call me Collin. I'm not a formal kind of guy."

Teyla returned his smile and nodded. "All right, Collin. We would be happy for you to accompany us." Teyla took Collin's arm and they joined the group as they headed for the infirmary. She couldn't help but notice the tension causing the normally easy-going man's jaw to clench and she wondered if he was worried about something more than Sheppard's injury.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: **You aren't going to believe this, but this is it – the final chapter. I kept it short – aren't you proud??

Infirmary Nightmares – Chapter 2

Elizabeth watched Collin pace back and forth across the waiting area. With the exception of Ronon, who was casually leaning against one wall, everyone else was seated, nervously moving their feet or wringing their hands. They could see Beckett and two nurses working over Sheppard on the other side of the room, but they couldn't actually see much of the injured man other than his feet.

"No! Stop . . . please stop!" John's pleading voice sliced through the silence, making Collin stop dead in his tracks as the others stood reflexively. They could see the medical personnel struggling with Sheppard, speaking to him softly and trying to calm him. Collin started forward, but Teyla grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him.

"I can help," he said softly, pulling away from her and hurrying over to the bed. Collin touched the nurse beside Sheppard's head on the shoulder. "Let me help."

Beckett looked up from his patient. "Major, I'm afraid you need to get out of here. We'll take care of the colonel. He's a bit combative sometimes when he's disoriented."

Collin stood firm and stared at the doctor. "Sometimes there's a reason for things, Dr. Beckett. Now I'm going to help."

Beckett could tell the soldier wouldn't be taking no for an answer and Sheppard was getting harder to handle. "All right, then."

The nurse moved aside and Collin stepped in, immediately placing his hands on either side of Sheppard's face and turning it so he could look him in the eyes. His hold was firm, yet gentle enough not to hurt the man as he tried to pull away, mumbling incoherently the whole time. Collin bent over so that their faces were inches apart.

"Shep, it's Collin. I need you to look at me. We're in Atlantis and this is Dr. Beckett trying to help you. Do you understand? You aren't in Iraq, you're in Atlantis. Dr. Beckett is going to help you, not hurt you. Shep . . . John . . . listen to me. We're in Atlantis. Focus . . . Atlantis."

Sheppard's struggles had lessened up to the point Collin said Atlantis the last time, loud and with emphasis. Sheppard stilled and seemed to focus on Collin's face, a frown creasing his brow. "Atlantis?"

Collin's face relaxed as a smile spread across it. "Yeah, Shep. Atlantis. You're safe, no one's going to hurt you any more."

Collin relaxed his hold on Sheppard's face, allowing his head to turn the other way. "Carson?"

Beckett sighed deeply and smiled at the wounded man. "Aye, son, it's me. I'm trying to help you, if you'll let me."

Sheppard looked at him a few seconds, as if slowly processing what he'd said. "Yeah . . . sorry. Thought I was . . . " Sheppard flinched and turned away, back toward Collin. The two men exchanged a knowing glance.

"Thank you, Major, but we need to get the colonel ready for surgery," said Beckett.

Collin nodded. "Yeah, okay." He looked down at Sheppard and gripped the man's shoulder firmly. "We'll be waiting on you when you come out."

"Thanks," Sheppard said softly just before his eyes closed.

Collin let the nurse back in and slowly made his way to where the others stood in a cluster, staring at him in confusion. "What was that all about?" asked McKay.

Collin looked back across the infirmary. "Uh . . . Shep doesn't like hospitals or infirmaries much, especially when he's been injured and his mind is fuzzy."

"We kind of noticed that a while ago," said Elizabeth, narrowing her eyes at the new man. "Care to enlighten us on that matter?"

Collin brought his eyes around to face the expedition leader. "I . . . let's just say he had a bad experience a long time ago . . . and leave it at that for now."

Elizabeth studied the face of Sheppard's old friend, desperate to know what event had so colored John's view of medical care as to still be affecting him this much. But she saw in Collin's face a genuine concern for John, so she let it go. "All right. I'm just glad you were here to help. Other times have been . . . not so good."

Collin nodded and she knew he understood. Sounds from the other side of the room brought their attention back to Sheppard and they looked just in time to see Beckett and one of the nurses wheeling him back to surgery. The second nurse strode purposefully toward them.

"Dr. Beckett is taking the colonel to surgery to remove the bullet. He said to tell all of you that it will most likely be a while, so don't worry. Dr. Biro is on her way to do post mission checks on the rest of you, so if you'll just come with me, I'll get everyone settled."

McKay looked at Elizabeth. "Why don't you and the Major go get yourselves a cup of coffee while we get checked? Sounds like it'll be a while before we know anything."

Elizabeth looked uncertain, her eyes going to the doors they had taken Sheppard through.

"Good idea, Dr. McKay," said Collin. "Dr. Weir, let's go get that cup of coffee. I don't know about you, but I could sure use one. No use just sitting here worrying. Shep's already told me what a good doc Beckett is."

"Go, Elizabeth, he'll be fine," encouraged McKay. "And bring me back a cup."

Elizabeth sighed and nodded, giving in to the prodding of the two men. "All right, you win, I'm going. I'd better not miss anything."

"You won't," promised Collin as he winked at McKay and led Elizabeth out of the infirmary.

oOo

The sound of the doors opening brought five people immediately to their feet. Beckett waved at them to sit back down as he pulled up a chair to join them, the tired smile on his face putting them slightly more at ease. "He'll be fine," reported the doctor. "The bullet nicked the femur, so I had to clean out some bone fragments. He's fortunate it wasn't an inch over. He's already got a metal rod in his leg and I'd hate to think what a direct hit on it would have done."

"He's got a what?" asked Rodney, his eyes wide.

"A metal rod in his femur. He's broken it before, and it appears to have been pretty bad, judging from the scar tissue in the area. Of course I knew from his records that he'd fractured it before, but I hadn't realized how badly until now."

"That's why he limps sometimes," commented Rodney, realization dawning on him. Elizabeth looked up at him questioningly. "Sometimes late at night, when he's really tired and he thinks no one is looking, I've noticed him limping."

"I've seen it too," said Ronon. "After that marathon three-day run from the Wraith session a few weeks ago, I saw him leaving the balcony near his room and he could barely walk. He didn't see me because it was late and dark."

Teyla nodded. "I too have seen him favoring his leg after a hard mission. I just thought he had strained a muscle or something similar."

Beckett nodded. "I'm not surprised that you've begun to notice. I think it's been giving him more trouble these last few months. He actually came to me for some pain meds not long ago because it was bothering him so much he couldn't sleep."

"Why didn't he say something?" asked Rodney. He instantly shook his head. "Never mind, it's Sheppard. What was I thinking?"

"When can we see him?" asked Teyla.

"We're giving him a couple of units of blood to replace what he's lost, but he's pretty weak. I imagine it'll be tomorrow at the earliest before he's awake enough to talk to anyone." Beckett turned to the nurse that walked up and handed him a cup of coffee.

"Here you go, Dr. Beckett. Dr. Biro thought you might need this."

Beckett nodded and smiled as he accepted the cup. "Oh, thank you lass, I do. Be sure to thank Dr. Biro for me as well." He sipped the hot liquid and sighed in contentment as the nurse grinned and left.

"So, Sheppard will be okay, right?" asked Rodney.

"Aye, he should recover nicely. He may be off his feet for a bit, but he'll be fine." Beckett looked over at Collin. "I don't suppose you'd care to tell me what your little performance was all about, would you?"

They all looked at Collin, silently begging him to share what he knew. Collin frowned as he stared at the floor, studying it as if the answers he needed were there. After a couple of tense minutes, he sighed and looked back up, his gaze moving to each one of them.

"I've been trying to figure out for the last three hours if I should tell you what happened. I may not have been here long, but I've already seen how close you are to him . . . like family. And that's something special because I know Shep doesn't let people in very often since . . . " Collin shut his eyes and shook his head. "No, that's another story entirely. Let's just say that I know how hard it can be to get close to Shep. But he seems to care for you all very much and I know he trusts you, so . . . I'm going to tell you what happened. As his friends . . . as the people who are there when he gets hurt . . . you need to know."

Collin grinned grimly. "Ronon, I may have need of a body guard when Shep finds out I blabbed."

Ronon nodded, understanding on his face. "You'll have one."

Collin chuckled. "Thanks. Okay, well, you already know we did our first overseas duty together. We were kids. Not literally, but we were young and immortal, or so we thought. We were stationed in the Middle East, part of Operation Southern Watch keeping an eye on the no fly zone over Iraq. One of our planes was shot down just over the border, so they sent in a ground patrol to retrieve our guys. They got there about the same time as the Iraqis and there was a skirmish. Our guys came out on top, but several men were injured, so they called for help. Shep and I each took a medivac chopper."

Collin stopped to rub his chin and take a deep breath, noticing his audience was silently hanging on every word. "We got the wounded loaded up and took off without any problems. Apparently reinforcements had arrived by then, because we hadn't gone very far when Shep took a hit. He radioed me that he couldn't make it back in and for me to go on, that he'd put down somewhere and wait for me to get help. I had two criticals on board, so I didn't have much choice. I radioed him to be careful and we'd be back ASAP." Abruptly standing, Collin paced back and forth a few times.

Elizabeth looked nervously at Carson and then stood, walking over to stand beside Collin and put her hand on his arm. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Collin smiled and patted her hand with his free one. "Thanks, but yes I do. I just haven't let myself think about any of this for a long time. I guess you've picked up on the fact that I have a hard time being serious, and this . . . this is definitely serious."

Elizabeth nodded and grinned. "Now that, I've noticed."

Collin sighed and looked at the worried faces in front of him. He knew he couldn't leave them like that. He knew he'd have to finish. Letting go of Elizabeth's hand, he returned to his seat and Elizabeth followed.

"We went back for Shep, but his helicopter had taken another hit and he ended up crashing instead of setting down. The chopper went down on its left side and we could tell from the blood that Shep must have been hurt pretty badly, but he was gone. The patients in the back were all dead, killed in the crash or died shortly after. His co-pilot wasn't hurt badly in the crash and we guessed he must have tried to put up a fight, because he'd been shot in the head. It took us three weeks to find Shep and get him out. He was in the hospital wing of a prison camp . . . if you can use the word hospital with that place. He was almost dead from blood loss, starvation, and infection."

Collin closed his eyes, still able to see the hollow shell of a man he'd barely recognized lying so still and pale. "He didn't know us when we got there. He just . . . he screamed and begged when we touched him. He kept pleading with us to stop hurting him. He was out of his mind with pain and fear and fever."

Collin took a deep, shuddering breath, the memories rushing back all too real. He thought he'd stored them all away so they couldn't touch him any more, and yet here they were again. Guilt overwhelmed him. This was the reason he'd avoided seeing Sheppard for so many years, the reason he'd never tried to find him after that one chance meeting.

"Are you all right?" asked Teyla, her eyes moist and the sadness in her voice evident.

The major nodded. "Yeah, I just . . . it's hard to remember it. Shep . . . had taken a hard hit in the crash. He broke several ribs, left arm and collar bone, the two bones in his lower leg and a couple in his foot. The femur was the bad one though. Compound fracture. He told me later . . . he didn't think their medical people were actually doctors, more like medics, and the supplies for prisoners was very limited. They didn't waste pain medicine on the enemy. They just held him down while they tried to align the bone in his leg."

"Oh, bloody . . . " Carson got up and walked back and forth a few times, muttering curses beneath his breath while clenching and unclenching his hands. He finally stopped a few feet away, facing the wall, silent except for the sound of his rapid breathing. After regaining control of himself, Carson came back over and sat down, anger radiating from his posture and expression. "I'm sorry for that. I just can't bloody well understand how one human could do that to another."

Collin shook his head. "You aren't the only one. Shep said he screamed until he didn't have any voice left. It . . . apparently took them several tries to get the bone lined up, and even then the bastards didn't do it right. If they gave him antibiotics, it was minimal and that place was far from sterile. He was septic by the time we got to him." Collin took a deep breath to steady himself.

"When we got him home, the doctors almost immediately began talking amputation. When they finally got Shep lucid enough to make him understand what they wanted to do, he went nuts. He told them not to take his leg under any circumstances, even if it meant he didn't make it. He made me promise not to let them cut his leg off." Collin's voice hitched and he turned away from the others. He had to take several breaths to regain his composure. "I knew I'd feel the same way under the circumstances, so I fought the doctors tooth and nail for him."

"I guess we know how that turned out," said Rodney. "At least you did the right thing for him, saved his leg."

Collin nodded. "Yeah. They didn't know for a while if he'd make it or not, but Shep was always a fighter. They let me stay with him for a while because he was so sick and disoriented. He kept thinking he was back in that . . . place. He told me later that when the soldiers came to interrogate him, they'd try to get him to answer by pushing on his injuries, usually his leg since it was the most obvious and painful. They apparently came by almost every day and hurt him and those supposed doctors just stood by and let them. If he yelled or complained about hurting or being hungry or thirsty, they'd just hit him and press on one of his broken bones until he promised to be good."

Collin stood again and walked over to the wall, leaning against it for support. "After a couple of weeks, when they knew he'd make it and he was a little more coherent, they shipped him back to the states. I didn't see him again for almost a year. I was attending a special training school at another base and I ran into him. He was working a desk job while he finished his physical therapy, limping, but getting around better than anyone thought he ever would. He told me they tried to force him into a medical discharge because there was no chance of him ever walking normally again, but he fought it. Said he'd walk again or die trying. We had dinner together to catch up. That was when he told me what they'd done to him there and how much pain he'd been in and how afraid he was."

Collin smiled without humor. "We got pretty drunk that night at his place or I doubt he would have ever admitted any of it. He told me he'd spent the better part of the last year in the hospital. It took several surgeries to fix what they'd done to his leg and a whole lot of physical therapy. I got the idea that the real medical treatment sometimes hurt almost as much as the torture sessions. Anyway, Shep told me that night that he never wanted to visit another hospital as long as he lived because he was certain he'd already served his allotted time."

Beckett sighed and rubbed his face. "No wonder he fights me so when he's disoriented or confused. And now I understand why he's in such a bloody hurry to get out of here. I wish I'd known this earlier."

"I doubt John would have ever told any of us this," commented Elizabeth.

"No, probably not," said Carson.

"So what do we do with this information?" asked Rodney, looking a bit pale.

"We make sure to ground him when he is injured so that he knows where he is and that we will not hurt him," said Teyla.

"And I'll try to get him out of here as soon as I can. I don't hold the man longer than I think necessary, in spite of what he thinks, but there may be times I can release him to his quarters earlier if someone will agree to stay with him," said Beckett.

"We can do that," said Ronon. "We're his team and he watches after us. We can help watch after him when he's down."

They all nodded in agreement.

Collin smiled, relief flooding his face. "I'm glad I told you. Shep will still kill me, but it was worth it. I knew I wasn't wrong about you people, that you'd use the information to help him instead of pity him. Pity is one thing Shep can't stand. I think maybe that was one reason he had such a hard time handling his leg injury for that year. He could see the pity in people's faces when they thought he was a cripple."

"Oh, we know better than to go the pity road," said Rodney emphatically, the others nodding in agreement.

"I'm surprised that leg hasn't given him more trouble," said Beckett.

"It probably has," said Rodney. "You know how he is."

Beckett nodded sadly. "Aye, I do. Stubborn fool."

They all turned at the sound of clanking to see Sheppard's bed being rolled back out into the infirmary and set into place. They watched the nurses fuss with monitors and IV and blood bags for a few seconds as they got their patient settled.

"Carson . . . " Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at Beckett, the silent question hanging in the air.

Beckett sighed. "All right, but just for a minute. He won't be awake."

"That is all right, Dr. Beckett. We just need to see for ourselves that John is okay." Teyla smiled at Beckett and he nodded back to her.

They stood and followed Beckett over to Sheppard's bed, surrounding it and watching the man sleep. His features were pale, but relaxed and his breathing even. A few minutes later, Beckett began shooing them out.

"All right, now you've seen him. I want to the lot of you to get some rest. You can come back tomorrow."

Collin looked worried as he moved his eyes from Sheppard up to Beckett. "Maybe someone should stay with him tonight . . . in case he wakes up."

Beckett took a deep breath and looked down at Sheppard. "It's okay. I'll be keeping the colonel company tonight. If he does wake, I can promise you, he won't be alone."

oOo

Beckett was awakened from his dozing by the sounds of rustling covers, thrashing noises, and mumbling. He lifted his head from its slumped forward position, causing his neck muscles to scream at him in pain. Muffling a groan, he reached his hand up and massaged his aching cervical area with his fingers as he stood and looked down toward the bed. Sheppard was now making sad whimpering sounds as his head turned one direction, only to suddenly turn the opposite way. One hand gripped the railing while the other flailed about as if seeking something to hold onto.

"Colonel?" Beckett was beside Sheppard in a second, taking the hand that had been seeking contact of some kind. "John, it's Carson, can you hear me? You're in Atlantis, son, you're safe."

Sheppard's eyes flew open and he gasped for air, immediately trying to sit up. Beckett put his hand on his chest before he had moved more than a few inches and applied just enough pressure to lay the man back down. "John, you're safe . . . you're in Atlantis."

Sheppard lay staring straight up for a few seconds, his eyes unfocused. He finally blinked and licked his lips, slowly turning his head toward Beckett. He looked blankly at the doctor for several moments before finally speaking.

"Carson?"

Beckett grinned, relieved that his patient was lucid. "Aye, son. Glad to have you back. How do you feel?"

Sheppard blinked a few more times as if trying to clear his vision. "Fuzzy . . . thirsty."

Beckett nodded. "I'll bet you are." Beckett turned to the pitcher on the table and poured a cup of water. Sticking a straw in it, he turned back to Sheppard. "All right, colonel, let me do all the work." Beckett slid his arm behind Sheppard and propped him up enough he could drink without choking and then brought the cup up so he could reach the straw. As soon as his patient had taken a few sips, he took the water away and eased Sheppard back down. "There you go, not too much at first, as you know."

Beckett set the cup down and checked Sheppard's lines and monitor readings before turning back to his patient. "Do you remember what happened?"

Sheppard seemed to be thinking, his eyes only half open as he blinked sluggishly. "Shot . . . after the ceremony. Some nasty guys across the river." Sheppard's eyes widened as he suddenly looked up at Beckett. "My team?"

Beckett laid a steadying hand on Sheppard's shoulder. "They're all okay, Colonel. You were the only seriously injured. A bullet grazed Rodney's arm, but he was fine after a few stitches and some antibiotics." Carson frowned and tilted his head. "Come to think of it, he didn't even complain much."

Sheppard gave a small smile. "Cool." He felt his eyelids pulling closed, but he fought it, forcing them open to see Beckett looking sadly at him. "What?" Fear suddenly filled his face as he realized where most of the pain was coming from and remembered the many warning he'd received about seriously injuring that leg again. "Doc . . . my leg okay?"

Beckett sighed and nodded quickly. "Yes, lad, the leg will heal fine. The bullet just nicked the bone a tad. You'll be off your feet for a bit, but you'll heal."

Sheppard frowned. "Then what?"

Beckett looked down for a few seconds and then back up at Sheppard. "Collin had a talk with us."

Beckett wasn't sure he'd ever seen the color drain from anyone's face as quickly as it did from Sheppard. What was really sad was that he didn't have much color to lose at the moment. "Oh no . . . he didn't . . . tell me he didn't tell you . . . "

Beckett's smile tightened, almost morphing into a frown. "He told us something I wish you'd told us a long time ago. Colonel . . . " Beckett sighed and shook his head, not really sure if he was angry or sad.

"He had no right," said Sheppard sharply. He sucked in a quick breath and winced at the pain his unintentional shifting had awakened. Squeezing his eyes shut, he gripped the railing and held his breath through a wave of pain that made his eyes water. When the pain finally ebbed back enough that he could relax and open his eyes, he saw Beckett injecting something into his IV.

"That should take the edge off so you can get some more rest. We can talk about this later."

John watched Beckett dispose of the syringe and pull his chair a little closer to the bed. He then noticed the stubble on the doctor's face and the dark smudges under his tired eyes and he realized Beckett had been watching over him all night. His line of vision was shrinking as his eyelids pulled closed. "Thanks," he whispered, just before losing the battle to stay awake.

Beckett shook his head and sighed heavily. "You're welcome . . . bloody fool."

oOo

He heard the voices even before it registered that they were voices. He just lay listening to the familiar tones and patterns. It was the laughter that caused awareness to creep in, waking the sense of smell and the memories that reminded him of where he was. Someone leaned against the lower edge of the mattress, shifting his leg and sending a flash of pain through his leg that caught him off guard. Sheppard groaned loudly as his eyes flew open and he instinctively raised up a few inches before dropping back down, his arms reaching protectively toward his injured leg.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh, crap I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Get Carson in case I damaged his leg again. I'm sorry, Colonel, it was an accident. I just wanted to –"

"McKay!" Sheppard clenched his jaw tightly as he tried to breath through the stabbing pain in his thigh. "Just . . . shut . . . up."

McKay stood with his mouth open and his face pale as looked down on Sheppard's face, tight with pain as he fisted his hand around a wad of blanket. "I'm sorry."

After a minute, Sheppard began to relax his grip on the covers and some of the tension eased from his face. His breathing seemed to ease as well. "S'okay . . . just . . . surprised me."

Beckett arrived with a worried Teyla about the time Sheppard discovered he could breathe again. "Colonel, how are you doing?" Beckett moved to the side of the bed and lifted the covers up from the side, examining the bandaging around Sheppard's leg.

"I'm good," said Sheppard, his breathing almost back to normal and some of the color returning to his face. "Just . . . wasn't expecting it."

Beckett lowered the covers and straightened them. "Everything looks okay, no damage done." The doctor took a couple of steps toward the head of the bed and took Sheppard's pulse and then listened to his chest.

While Beckett did his doctoring, Sheppard took note of a few things. First, most of the monitoring equipment had been removed, although he still had the IV. Next he noticed the high volume of people surrounding his bed and wondered how long they had been watching him sleep. He really had to talk to Carson about making a few private rooms and he figured if anyone had earned the right to have one, it was him.

"Looking good, Colonel," commented Beckett as he raised the head of the bed so Sheppard could actually look at his visitors.

"Thanks, Doc," he said as he rubbed his eyes. "How long have you people been here and don't you have anything better to do than watch me sleep?"

McKay sighed loudly. "Of course I have better things to do, and I'm wounded to boot, but here I sit, good friend that I am, waiting on your ungrateful self to wake up so we can see that you're still in the land of the living and not brain damaged somehow . . . not that we could tell or anything. And this is the thanks we get. You really should learn some manners Sheppard."

Sheppard looked at McKay for a few seconds before shifting his gaze to Elizabeth. "Did Rodney just advise me that I need more manners?"

Elizabeth grinned. "Yes, I believe he did."

Sheppard shook his head. "I must be delirious." He looked around to see Ronon and Teyla grinning and he returned their smile. He was glad to actually see that everyone seemed all right. His gaze finally fell on Collin, standing silently half behind the folded privacy curtain. Sheppard's grin faded as they made eye contact, guilt clouding the major's expression.

"Collin . . . I have a bone to pick with you." Anger made his voice sharp, causing the people in the room to wince.

Collin stepped forward a couple of steps. "Look, Shep . . . I'm sorry. You were disoriented and fighting the good doctor here where he was having a hard time treating you. I helped calm you down and . . . they kind of wondered what was going on. I just thought as your friends, they needed to know what happened."

Sheppard frowned, his eyes going down to the bed for a few moments before returning to Collin. "I don't remember. But still . . . it's my life . . . You had no right to tell them."

"He shouldn't have had to tell us because you should have told us," said Rodney, the hurt obvious from his tone.

Sheppard's eyes flashed. "Why? So you could feel sorry for me? Poor Sheppard, tortured by the Iraqis. Poor Sheppard, almost crippled. I thought you knew me better than that Rodney. I don't want your pity."

Rodney frowned and shook his head slowly. "And I thought you knew _us_ better than that. No one here wants to pity you. We just want the opportunity to help our friend when we can."

"I don't do pity . . . for anyone," said Ronon firmly.

Beckett put his hand firmly on Sheppard's upper arm. "Son, no one here is going to think less of you or baby you because of what happened. But by understanding, we can help comfort you when you're disoriented and fighting us. We'll know what the problem is next time so we can bring you back a little sooner. And if I'd known all this time why you were chomping at the bit to get out of here, I might could have made some allowances to get you back to your quarters sooner. We just want to help you because we're your friends and that's what friends do."

Sheppard rubbed his forehead, suddenly feeling very foolish for his outburst. "Look . . . I'm sorry . . . I just . . . I don't . . . I have a hard time getting close to people, letting them in and trusting them. I've let you guys get closer than I ever meant to." Sheppard laughed bitterly. "I need to work on my defenses a little better next time."

"But why? Why work so hard to keep people out?" asked Elizabeth.

Sheppard just stared at the foot of the bed. "Because when I get too close to someone, they die. I just . . . I just got tired of always hurting. I thought it would be easier not to care about anyone, not to trust anyone. I don't let people help me because the next thing you know, you've developed some kind of relationship." Sheppard chuckled. "But then you guys came along . . . this city came along . . . and all my rules just seemed to go out the window."

Teyla walked up and took Sheppard's hand. "As you started to care, you kept trying to push us away."

Sheppard snorted and looked up at her. "Tried. Didn't succeed. You guys are kind of hard to ignore." He waved his hand around the room as he laughed. "It's really hard to ignore a whole herd of people surrounding your bed when you wake up." Sheppard paused for a moment as he looked at his friends. "It's kind of unnerving in a way, but . . . I can't say that I want to change it. It's sort of comforting . . . disturbing, but . . . comforting."

They snickered at that, understanding his point.

Sheppard looked up at Beckett and cocked his head to one side. "You'd really try to get me out of here sooner?"

Beckett nodded. "What I can do is possibly release you sooner under the condition that someone stay with you or check on you every couple of hours. Sometimes you end up staying here longer because of the nature of this city. We each have our own quarters, so there's no one to send you home with to look after you when you can't get around. It's not like we're living in family units on Earth. Your team has agreed that they can share that responsibility so that we can get you back to your quarters faster, if you want."

Sheppard nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes, I want. But . . . " His enthusiasm waned as he looked at his teammates. "On the other hand, that will just stick you guys with babysitting duty. That can't be fun."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous," said McKay. "We're perfectly capable of keeping ourselves entertained while you sleep or lie around uselessly."

Sheppard smiled. "Thanks, Rodney . . . I think."

"And Colonel," Beckett said sternly. "I'm well aware that injuries like the one to your leg leave you with lingering pain when you're tired or you've been on your feet all day or even due to weather changes. Don't hesitate to come to me for help. There's no use hurting if you don't have to. I can give you pain medication that won't make you sleepy, but will help take the edge off enough you can function."

Sheppard smiled sheepishly. "Okay, thanks." He looked up at Collin, standing at the foot of the bed with his hands in his pockets. "Okay, Collin . . . looks like you live to see another day."

Collin grinned broadly, his whole face lighting up. "Ronon, I may not need body guard service after all." He turned to Sheppard. "I knew you couldn't stay mad at me for long."

Sheppard grinned his cocky, lop-sided grin. "I didn't say I wasn't mad, I just said I wouldn't kill you. Wait until I'm back on my feet."

Collin grinned smugly. "That gives me a few weeks to work with. Hey, did I ever tell you guys about the time the locals brought us some of their native dishes? They used some odd, local spice in this one dish that Shep was allergic to and his face swelled up and got all patchy looking."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Yes, and that was so much fun, especially the part about not being able to breathe."

"Don't be a baby. So you had to wear one of those oxygen tube things for a couple of days. You were fine. We called him watermelon head for weeks."

"Watermelon head? Seriously? You called him that?" Rodney was bouncing up and down and rubbing his hands together as he chuckled.

Sheppard groaned and dropped his head forward, rubbing his forehead at the building headache.

Collin snapped his finger and pointed at Rodney. "Hey, I might still have a picture."

"That would be sweet. We could send it out in a city wide email. Watermelon head. I love it," said Rodney.

Sheppard shook his head and grimaced. "I really hate you."

Collin grinned and crossed his arms. "I know. I wouldn't have it any other way."

THE END

Yeah, I know – mushy. I can't help it. So I'm both a dork and a geek. I think it's genetic (but don't tell my family). Love you guys!!!


End file.
